Giving Yourself Permission: Breaking Free from the Need for External Validation
Can I share a fun fact about me? I collect certifications like others collect shoes! All of them are connected in some way, typically to learn holistic healing methods—for example, Reiki, a type of hypnotherapy, energy healing, and the most recent, breathwork.
I first started taking courses after finishing grad school. I felt I needed to be "more prepared" to serve my clients in my eventual private practice. I thought if I just learned more, I'd be qualified to help people. Now, I realize this was me doubting my capabilities and seeking external validation to give me permission to do what I'm here to do.
After A LOT of work, my perspective has completely changed. I still take courses that end in certification, but my reasons and criteria have totally changed. Now, I take courses that are personally interesting and sound FUN. Ongoing learning is a huge value for me, and I totally nerd out on learning everything I can about topics that interest me. And I keep moving forward with serving people because I know I have something to offer.
Where does the need for external validation come from anyway?
The need for external validation is deeply rooted in human psychology. From a young age, we are conditioned to seek approval from others—parents, teachers, peers—which helps us navigate social norms and develop a sense of belonging. This validation is tied to our self-esteem and can impact how we perceive our worth and capabilities.
Research in psychology suggests that this need for external validation can lead to dependency on others' opinions and approval. When we rely too much on external sources for validation, we may doubt our abilities and feel insecure about our decisions. Understanding this dynamic is the first step towards breaking free from it.
The Science Behind It
Research in neuroscience shows that our brains are wired for social connections and approval. The brain's reward system releases dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter, when we receive positive feedback from others. However, relying solely on external validation can create a cycle of dependency and insecurity.
Studies suggest that developing a strong sense of self and practicing self-validation can rewire the brain's reward system. By focusing on internal validation and self-compassion, we can strengthen neural pathways associated with self-confidence and resilience.
Tips for Giving Yourself Permission
Recognize Your Inner Critic:
Acknowledge the voice inside your head that seeks approval from others. Understanding that this voice is not always accurate or helpful can help you challenge its validity.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Self-compassion can reduce the need for external validation and help you build self-confidence.
Set Personal Goals:
Focus on what you want to achieve for yourself, rather than what others expect from you. Setting personal goals aligned with your values and interests can empower you to pursue your passions without seeking external approval.
Celebrate Your Achievements:
Take time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small. Recognizing your successes can boost your self-esteem and reinforce your belief in your abilities.
Seek Internal Validation:
Reflect on your values, beliefs, and strengths. Validate yourself by affirming your worth and capabilities. Internal validation comes from a place of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People:
Build a network of supportive friends and mentors who encourage you to pursue your passions and believe in your abilities. Positive reinforcement from trusted individuals can help you build self-confidence.
Moving Forward
Breaking free from the need for external validation is a journey of self-discovery and growth. It involves recognizing the patterns that hold you back and consciously choosing to validate yourself from within. Remember, you have the power to give yourself permission to pursue your passions and achieve your goals.
Tired of looking for external validation but not sure where to start? Let’s change that! Check out my services and free resources like my P.A.C.E. Method Guide!